By Aunt Hommy
This week Uganda has been about withdrawing. The Sexual Offences Bill has been discussed on every social media platform there is but can assure you, people are still shy to discuss it in the bedroom.
People are losing their mind because of big machine guns. Last week, I highlighted how best to deal with his big cassava, but people still want to withdraw their consent, and I understand.
A friend says she always knows how big his machine gun is before they get to the part where she is looking at the anaconda breathing fire at the entrance of her choochkie.
I know feminists will come for me, but I need to understand something. A woman is allowed to ride a flash disk once and run away but should withdraw her consent when it is too big?
I have heard women swear that they will never ride him again because they could not tell whether it was his finger or his 3-inch-machine gun.
Shouldn’t one also withdraw consent when it is too small? Should one go ahead and ride him for riding sakes and never return his phone calls?
We should learn to talk about these things. You don’t want too small, but then again, there are snakes you see and want to run? Shouldn’t you then highlight the size you can work with on the first date?
We have to pick a struggle because when a man tells us he is too big, we always want to find out exactly how big.
Instead of asking to see or touch, you want to first go through foreplay, get him hard, and the moment he unleashes his dragon, you want to withdraw consent?
Like Thomas asked, after takeoff, you want to go back pick your dildo at the expense of all the people on board?
Emotional intelligence shouldn’t only be discussed when your female boss is having a bad day. It should be the way of life.
What happens after he has given you time to ‘warm’ up and get in the mood. After he has licked every inch of your body and you are still as dry as a martini?
What should happen when he has taken his time to undress you with his mouth, hands and eyes. When he has massaged that pleasure centre with his tongue, and you moan like a buffalo in a cage, begging him to enter the promised land.
Should this man withdraw his consent when he has taken his time to get you ready for the final play, and low and behold, you are still as dry as a bone?
I know that some men need cock rings, but I also know that as a woman, there are ways you can find out how big he is without having to take off for the big finish.
How about we believe these men when they confess that women have run away because of how big they are and not be as curious as a cat and then withdraw consent just when the head is trying to find its way in?
Men should also be allowed to withdraw their consent when a woman is as dry as chewing cat litter and washing it down with sawdust sauce.
When you are as wide as the gates of hell, that they need pegs to hold the sides and help them feel the walls, let this man withdraw, dress up and leave.
Before I forget, can you not eat his transport money before you get to the part of withdrawing? And also, have some ka money on you before you withdraw to avoid having to ask for transport to get you out.
I love that we fight for these rights, but if we are going to be fair, we have to think about all humanity and not just that gender.
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